What is a memorial service?

According to Christian teaching and faith, human life does not end with the death of the body, and the soul continues to exist beyond the boundaries of earthly life. For this reason, we do not forget those who have fallen asleep even after their burial, but we always remember them, pray for them, and intercede for their rest and the forgiveness of their sins.

As long as we are alive, we can do everything for our souls: keep vigil, fast, pray continually, and so on. As soon as we die, however, we can no longer do anything for them. But if someone speaks to God on behalf of the departed, God will hear them and answer their prayer. In other words, “intercession” is useful and beneficial before God. When our loved ones leave this world, they leave behind a request that sounds more like a command: “…I beg you all and earnestly ask you to pray unceasingly to Christ our God for me, that I may not be consigned, according to my sins, to the place of punishment, but that He may place me where the light of life is” (Glory from the Funeral Service). Therefore, those who have fallen asleep wish for us to always care for them. Let us always do something for their souls.

What can we do for them? Prayer and charity!

The service performed for the departed is called a parastas (from the Greek parastasis = to stand in line with someone, to stand beside someone, to intercede for someone) and means intercessory prayer to God for the souls of those who are no longer among us.

Christians do not forget their dead after burial, but continue to pray for them and to commemorate their names. The occasions for individual commemoration of the dead in the Orthodox Church are as follows:

• Three days after death (which usually coincides with the day of the funeral), in honor of the Holy Trinity and the Savior’s Resurrection from the dead on the third day;
• Nine days after death, “so that the departed may be deemed worthy of fellowship with the nine angelic choirs and in remembrance of the ninth hour, when the Lord, before dying on the cross, promised paradise to the thief—which we pray our departed may also inherit”;
• On the 40th day (or six weeks), in remembrance of the Lord’s Ascension into heaven, which took place 40 days after the Resurrection, “so that the soul of the departed may likewise ascend to heaven”;
• On the third, sixth, and ninth months, in honor of the Holy Trinity;
• One year later, following the example of the early Christians who celebrated the day of the martyrs’ and saints’ deaths each year as their “birthday” into the life to come.
• Each year, up to seven years after death, with the final annual commemoration recalling the seven days of creation.

Please note!

To avoid any mistakes regarding preparations for these memorial services, it is best to contact the priest in advance. This is necessary because the date and time of the service must be mutually agreed upon.

Typically, memorial services are not held on just any day of the week, but primarily on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

In addition to these days for the individual commemoration of the departed, the Church has established days for the general commemoration of the dead, namely: the Saturday before Meatfare Sunday or the Day of the Last Judgment, also known as Winter Moşii, the Saturday before Pentecost or “Summer Moşii,” to which tradition has added “Autumn Moşii” (between October 26 and November 8), the Saturdays of Great Lent, the Feast of the Meek (the Monday after Thomas Sunday), and Ascension Thursday, especially for heroes, as well as the church’s patronal feast day.

All these days of remembrance, whether individual or collective, are moments of living and profound communion with the departed. They must be respected and cherished, for through them we keep alive the veneration of the dead and the remembrance of them.

At the same time, commemorating the dead is a moment of reflection for each of us. Without a doubt, death is the most certain and, at the same time, the most shattering event in our lives. Naturally, we should keep it in mind and give it serious thought. No one has signed a contract with earthly life to extend it. By keeping the thought of death deeply engraved in our souls, we will become more upright and realistic. We can become different people—better people!

What offerings do we prepare for the memorial service?

The memorial service for the dead is always preceded by the Holy and Divine Liturgy, which is celebrated in the holy church. For the memorial service, every Christian brings coliva, a colac or prosphora, wine, candles, incense, and charcoal.

Coliva, made from boiled wheat and sweetened with honey or sugar, symbolizes the very body of the deceased, but it also has a special spiritual significance, serving as a symbol of the resurrection of the body; for just as a grain of wheat, in order to sprout and bear fruit, must first be buried in the ground and decay, so too must the human body first be buried and decay, so that it may rise again in incorruptibility.

The sweets used in coliva symbolize the sweetness of eternal life, which we desire for ourselves and pray that those who have fallen asleep may attain. The Holy Cross is placed on top of the coliva and it is beautifully decorated (usually with colorful candies, which symbolize the beauty of the good deeds that the deceased left as a testimony in this world).

The bread rings or loaves are usually beautifully braided and bear liturgical symbols (the Holy Cross). A lit candle is placed on top of these (coliva, bread rings). The candle is the sign and image of our passage through life. Just as the candle burns and is consumed, so too does our life burn and be consumed. The candle is also a beautiful symbol of the good person: in order to give light, the candle must, little by little, be consumed. Likewise, Christians (to whom Jesus said, “You are the light of the world!”), in order to be a light to those around them, to be consistent, and to live out their faith faithfully, must sacrifice themselves, give of themselves, and be consumed a little each day.

The candle also resembles us humans in its fragility: it breaks so easily, it shatters, and yet it offers what neither stone, nor water, nor earth can offer: a flame, to be light and warmth for the world.

The wine, which is poured diagonally over the coliva (the body of the deceased), symbolizes the fragrant oils with which the Lord’s body was anointed.

It is also customary to offer a towel (from the Greek prósopon = person). It is offered to remind us of the person in whose name it is given to commemorate them.

We have noted that, in addition to prayer, almsgiving is necessary.

Through almsgiving, the souls of the departed are comforted. “Mercy wipes away all sins!” (Tobit 12:9). We must certainly show mercy to those in need: the hungry, the naked, and the thirsty. When one of our fellow human beings is shown mercy, they find comfort and joy. And if they pray for the departed, their prayer has great power (which is why we say when we receive alms: “May God forgive him!” or “Thank God!”).

Whoever gives food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, clothing to the naked, and shelter to the stranger serves the Lord, for the Lord identifies with all those in the categories mentioned above. Whoever visits the sick and those in prison is visiting the Lord. And it is written in Holy Scripture: “Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and He will reward them for their good deed” (Proverbs 19:17).

When are memorial services not held?

Memorial services are not held on the following days and during the following periods of the year:

• Sundays throughout the year, because Sunday, commemorating the Day of the Resurrection, is a day of joy, not of sorrow;
• During the twelve days between the Nativity and the Baptism of the Lord. Even though memorial services are held on Sundays in some churches, at least on the Sundays of the Pentecostarion—that is, those between Easter and Pentecost—it is by no means proper to hold memorial services, so as not to overshadow the joy of the great Feast of the Resurrection;
• From the end of the meat fast until the first Saturday of Great Lent, the Saturday of St. Theodore;
• From Palm Saturday until Thomas Sunday;
• On imperial feasts or major holidays;
• During Great Lent, memorial services are not held on weekdays (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday), since the regular or full Divine Liturgy is not celebrated on these days.

Other guidelines regarding the commemoration of the dead

• It is desirable for memorial services to be held in conjunction with the celebration of the Divine Liturgy, as this is the most important service of intercession for the dead. If this is not possible every time, it would be desirable for the memorial service to follow the Divine Liturgy at least on the 40th day, the one-year anniversary, and the seven-year anniversary;
• When compiling or writing the memorial list, it is neither necessary nor recommended to add “in remembrance of the nine-day, 40-day, one-year, and seven-year anniversaries, or of those who died without a candle, etc.” The liturgical books do not provide for such additions, nor should the clergy add anything extra, as if we were trying to draw the Savior’s attention to the specific anniversary in question;
• For the 40-day memorial service—sometimes called the service for the raising of the Panagia—in addition to the other preparations, an icon and a bread wreath are prepared. From the bread wreath, the priest will remove a small piece, which he will then place on the icon and from which he will distribute portions to the deceased’s relatives to taste;
• Regarding the gifts given as alms, it is customary to give various items on the 40th day and at the one-year anniversary—especially clothing and footwear, as well as household items—but nothing prevents us from giving anything at any time for the deceased. There is a long-standing custom of distributing plates of food, mugs or glasses, as well as spoons or forks, in sets of six, twelve, or twenty-four on each occasion. Church regulations do not specify anything in this regard, and everyone may offer as much as they deem appropriate, since the number of items has no influence on the spiritual state of the deceased;
• After the service has been conducted and the food and drink offerings have been blessed, those present are expected to eat with decorum and with prayer in their hearts for the deceased. There is no idle chatter, no joking, no laughing, nor is there eating or drinking as one would at a wedding. Instead of “Cheers!” or another toast, when taking a sip from a glass, one says “May God forgive him/her!”, and when receiving a dish, clothing, etc., as alms, one does not say “Thank you!”, but rather “May God accept it!”